S Say Yes!
Later this year we'll see the release of 'Yes Man', a film starring Jim Carrey, based on Danny Wallace's 2005 autobiographical chronicle of the same title. For those who haven't read this seminal piece, a very short introduction will suffice. Inspired by an Indian on the back of a bus, Wallace wrote the following affirmation:
'I, Danny Wallace, being of sound mind and body, do hereby write this manifesto for my life. I swear I will be more open to opportunity. I swear I will live my life taking every available chance. I will say Yes to every favour, request, suggestion and invitation. I Will Swear To Say Yes Where Once I Would Say No.'
Within a year, living life in the affirmative led him to winning (and losing) £25,000, becoming a minister, drinking in a gay leather bar in Amsterdam's red light district, taking an LSD-like mind bomb, agreeing to internet banking scams and penis patch offers, meeting alien obsessives and signing up for therapy with the world's only hypnotic dog. For the investigative journalist on our team, this was a challenge that could not be passed by. Here's a man saying "There's no great secret to seizing upon life's opportunities - you just have to say yes more." Only unlike Wallace I had but one week, not one year in which to realize the full potential of my yes-fueled opportunities.
So with only 168 hours of positive affirmation remaining, I'm itching to start but at 11pm on a Sunday evening, my options are severely limited. So I decide to take a look in my Junk mail folder and in less than an hour I have accepted Miss Love-Hewitt's advice and taken the first Proactive step towards flawless skin, bought a goat for a Burmese family, secured clean drinking water for a Congolese village, subscribed to a 10-day trial with BigPond movies, ordered two dozen Krispy Kreme cinnamon ring donuts, advertised my PC on Freecycle.com (arse, that cost me $800), earned 500 Tesco Clubcard points after requesting a car insurance quote (despite having neither a car nor a Tesco supermarket within 26,000 miles of me) and placed a free bet with Australia's biggest online bookmaker.
Monday sees my inbox literally grind to a halt under the weight of free-baggers angling for my Compaq Presario. I've only got one PC so can only say yes to one lucky punter. If I took 'yes' to its unimpeachable extreme I'd be out $26,000 (though undoubtedly this would have represented the opportunity of a lifetime for the lucky rep at Bing Lee SuperCentre). So I cut myself some slack, harden my heart to the pleas of impoverished single mums, hard up junior schools and the Salvation Army (in fairness I give those guys hundreds of $’s of shoes every month) and finally resolve on awarding the golden ticket to a cute guy who attached a spunky pic of himself surfing on Bondi Beach.
On Tuesday evening 'Beach Brad' (in his fireman's uniform!) comes round to pick up his new PC. I accept a drink on Saturday night at Opera Bar as payment in kind.
My boss calls me into his office on Wednesday to ask if I can accommodate a new intel project to predict the future of the premix drinks category in light of the government's 70% hike on excise duty. Every one of my over-worked brain cells screams 'NO!'. I hope my hesitance will win me a reprise. Eventually I capitulate and embrace the inevitable chill of the morrow's dawn start.
Thursday I go late night shopping to Bing Lee to buy myself a new laptop. On arriving home I step over two dozen donuts, the Proactive System + free Tea Tree Moisturizer and parts 1 and 2 of the BBC's adaptation of Pride and Prejudice barricading my doorstep. A quick text to Trish, and within half an hour four of my best friends have descended on me with take-away pizza and an appetite for Mr. Darcy's “wet scene”. A fortuitous conversation reminds me that Loz's 30th birthday was on Tuesday. Note to self - swing by DJ's and buy excessively long Highlander Scarf.
Before heading home on Friday I predict a $20 million collapse in premix drink revenue and my boss gives me a $100 cinema voucher for my dedication, tells me that I'm his "number one girl" and winks as I leave his office. Not sure what opportunity to read into that one.
I'm the happy winner of $18.50 after my faith in Manchester United pays off. Australia's biggest online bookmaker is greatly appreciative of my business as I accept their invitation to gamble the whole lot on Man U keeping Cristiano Ronaldo next season. I drink far too much at the Opera Bar after BB catches on that I'm incapable of saying no to one last nightcap. Or to a cab ride home. Or to a coffee. A few more yeses follow.
So a week has finally passed, I'm $2,630.50 lighter (though my connection speed's doubled, my face is as smooth as a baby's arse and there's a goat out there with my name on it); I'm slightly more confident of acing my upcoming performance review and I'll get priority service if my house catches fire. My verdict? It might not be The Secret to life, love and everything else but I'd risk giving 'yes' a go when opportunity knocks on the door.
comments
I think you should forward this to your boss (you have to say yes, right?)