As Far As I Know, We're Still Friends
This was originally going to be a much smarter article than it is.
See, I live in Hollywood, and I’m trying to become a paid screenwriter. Writing movies is what I’ve wanted to do ever since I saw Heathers about 18 years ago. I used to write my scripts alone, and when a couple of them managed not to suck I was able to make a little bit of progress, but nothing significant enough for me to be able to call myself a real screenwriter. Then about five years ago, I started writing with a partner and the strangest thing happened.
It worked instantly.
The first script we wrote together, which we wrote via email across the country and over the course of about a year, got the interest of a producer at Sony who developed it with us and tried to get every studio in town to buy it. It didn’t happen but it was still our first official Hollywood at-bat so we were elated. Shortly thereafter, we entered the script into a screenwriting contest sponsored by an industry magazine and out of over 3,500 entries, ours was a top ten finalist. (Sure, one of the judges was Eva Mendes but still...she’s hot, and she said it made her laugh and that my friends is good for a man’s soul.)
Feeling encouraged, we wrote another script together and this one only took six weeks to complete. It was inspired by one of the advertising agencies I’d worked at while living in New York and it ended up becoming the closest thing we’ve got to a calling card in Los Angeles. A producer friend of ours passed it on to some other producers he knew, they all signed on to try and get the movie made, a cool director wanted to shoot it, a couple of established and funny young actors were attached to star in it, we got signed by three bad-ass agents...life was suddenly quite good.
It was the kind of stuff we had IM’d about from the desks of our wildly unsatisfying day jobs. It was everything we wanted...and neither of us had any of it until we joined forces.
So I was going to crack open our creative relationship and really examine it - try to figure out how our individual processes have been able to merge and produce a singular vision - and how the stories we’re telling somehow still end up feeling personal to both of us for different reasons. I’m telling you, this article was really going to be something. You might’ve really liked it. One problem though…
…I don’t want to know how it works.
If I know how it works… then I’ll know how it works. So instead of just doing the work, by no fault of my own I’ll be subconsciously thinking about how we do the work, while I’m still doing my half of the work. So I’d have changed the way I work, which would undoubtedly change the work itself from the kind of work that has worked in the past, into work that’s not going to work the way we need it to work right now. It also wouldn’t be the kind of work my writing partner has grown accustomed to getting from me, so there’s a chance he’d feel the need to work differently to overcompensate for my work not working and that’s not how he does his best work. We’d show the work to our agents, who would read it and unanimously agree that it doesn’t work, then call us while we’re at work to tell us the new work needs work, before hanging up and wondering why they’re working with us in the first place.
Clearly, if I wrote the article I’d planned to write, it would f--k everything up.
So while I’m not willing to dissect this creative relationship and figure out why it has worked for us, I am willing to talk about how we’ve managed to keep it from turning into a complete and total disaster.
`Cause that’s the real fear, isn’t it? That you’ll try something and it’ll be a train wreck but you’ll be stuck in it because you don’t like to quit things and because you don’t wanna have to deal with telling the other person and maybe hurting their feelings…it’s very easy to imagine the juice not being worth the squeeze, if you know what I mean.
By this point in our careers though, most of us have collaborated on something with someone, either by choice or against our will. So we know how hard it can be. It can be even more difficult if you’re collaborating with a friend, so much so that most people advise you not to even try. “It will destroy your relationship,” they say. Are they wrong? No, not entirely. Of course it can destroy your relationship, if you let it… but I’m here to tell you, it can also produce your best work yet, if you let it.
The secret to a successful collaborative work relationship is not a secret at all – just follow the same five rules that make for a successful personal relationship.
RULE #1: COMMUNICATE
If something is bothering you about the project, you absolutely cannot be too polite (or afraid) to speak up about it. If you keep it bottled up inside, before you know it your attitude will be shit. And unless your partner is blind and deaf, they’ll notice your new shit attitude but unless they’re a mind reader they won’t have any idea why you’re acting like such an ass all of a sudden. So now you’re not happy, your partner’s confused and the work you attempt to do together suffers. When the work suffers, you fail, and nothing breeds animosity and resentment quite like failure. So act like an adult, talk about your problem and get past it. The relationship and the work will be stronger and better for it.
RULE #2: BE FLEXIBLE
When two people collaborate on a project, there’s never a shortage of ideas. This is good for the project but bad for your partnership if you’re not ready for what it really means, which is that a lot of the time, your idea is not going to be the one you end up using. This takes some getting used to, obviously. With my writing partner and I, there’s always a surplus of jokes and I’m not gonna lie – it sucks letting go of something that amused the hell out of you when you thought of it in the shower, prompting you to get out with shampoo still in your hair and track water all over your apartment looking for a pen. So if you can’t deal with your ideas not being used, don’t collaborate with anyone. Period. But if you’re flexible and willing to let go of some of these ideas, you’ll find that somehow it all evens out in the end and both you and your partner will feel like you’ve contributed equally.
RULE #3: RESPECT EACH OTHER
The project is not your entire life. Both you and your partner have other things you would rather be doing, so get your work done on time and don’t make your partner wait on you. There’s nothing worse than busting your ass to finish your half of the work and meet your deadline, only to find out your partner’s gonna need another day or two because he spent his entire Saturday burning fatties with his neighbor and playing Tiger Woods golf on the Wii (or, you know, some other totally made-up example).
RULE #4: MAKE TIME FOR WHAT’S IMPORTANT
Personal relationship-wise, this is the sex rule. Everybody’s busy with a million different things at once but you’ve gotta make sure you and your partner keep doing “the no-pants dance” on a regular basis, or you run the risk of losing that connection that brought you together in the first place.
Working relationship-wise, the only way banging your partner is a good idea is if improving your chances of banging them is the only reason you agreed to work with them in the first place. For the rest of us, it always helps to get to know your work partner outside of work. Loosen up a little, tell some stories, have some laughs. Get a little drunk. An inside joke can go a long way. I make my writing partner and his wife cook me dinner regularly. In return, I agree to eat it, so everybody wins.
RULE #5: KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS
You can’t go down this road without including the grand-daddy rule of them all. In terms of the article, this rule has no real practical relevance whatsoever. But if you ask me…the best thing to do is pull your new work partner aside on the first day and be like…
"Listen, don’t let me catch you working with another partner, `cause I WILL go Left Eye on you and burn your mansion down, understand?”
Hey, I never said I knew how to write a good ending…what do you think I have a partner for?
